By Misted Forest
31: Stop trying to be liked. Yes, being considerate is essential.
But trying to be liked? It will end up causing more anxiety and trouble than it’s worth. Just be you and be kind.
30: Stick to your own community first.
This year has taught me that many people are fickle. I was shocked by the number of “friends” who showed their true colors and speeded up hate speech online and in person.
29: Appreciate who is already showing up.
Why continually put a ton of effort for an organization, job, or group when you are the only one who seems to care? Better to put your effort where it’s appreciated or in your own projects instead.
28: Forgive, Bless, and Let Go.
We are a drop in a vast ocean. We are all a part of something greater than ourselves. So, let go of control and accept when people or things are not working.
27: Make space for those who already care.
Stop trying to get attention or love from those who barely give you a thought. Instead, look around at the people who thanklessly love and help you. Start putting more energy into those relationships,; you will naturally attract more people who align with you.
26: Be humble
There is endless data, experiences, and perspectives. You are not right, and neither am I. The truth is nuanced.
25: Pray
I never really prayed, or when I did, I just said words out of cultural respect.
Now I actually pray. To all the good, to all the love. To whom? To the nameless, to the named, to the Earth and to the G-ds and G-desses.
24: Meditation only takes a few seconds, so do it as often as possible;
to calm the amygdala (the brain's fear center) to strengthen your brain and mind and hear the voice of your soul.
23:, Make plans with others and stick to them;
Since I had terrible health for so many years, sticking to plans was hard.
Over the past three years, I have learned to become more flexible. I don’t feel well; maybe I will may call and ask if we can change the plan instead of canceling.
22: Say NO like you mean it.
If you feel icky about doing something, then say so. Forcing yourself to be fake to please others ends up backfiring. Of course, we all have to do things we don’t want to, like take out the trash. But I am sure you know what I mean.
21 Say YES in celebration.
Oh my goodness, do you get to do something you want to do? Celebrate. Each time. Freedom of choice is a gift that many worldwide do not have.
20 Show appreciation
Most folks have a deficit of appreciation points. Help fill them in who you can. Their smile will light up a room and positively affect everyone around them.
19 Let the more significant than the parts take over.
Whether this is done spiritually or literally stop trying to be a lone super hero. Think of the Justice League. No matter how robust Super Girl or Batman is, they can accomplish more with the help of others.
18 What you eat matters, but WHEN and HOW you eat matters even more.
After learning about glucose and insulin stabilizing as well as the power of community and positive mood on digestion and life longevity, my ideas on diet have dramatically transformed from what they used to be. (Click here to read a little more about this)
17 You get what you put in, from you, not others.
Only you know how much effort you put into your work and relationships. If you genuinely try hard, then most folks will recognize that. But there will always be people who are so self-absorbed they will never notice. There are also folks whose expectations are impossible to reach. But considering the majority of people care only about themselves, your effort will be noticed and often rewarded.
16 Maybe you don’t need the thing.
This is a shout-out to one of my besties, Hiroka Watanabe and Antonita, whom I met in Harajuku, Japan, through serendipity. I think the desire to want something often overshadows the actual need, and nine times out of ten, the want is just an “Oh, I really like this.”
15 Living within your means brings peace: Shout out to Debtors Anonymous.
Over half of US citizens are in serious debt. Why is this? Well, after my self-reflection on this and reading the 12 steps of Debtors Anonymous and cross-comparing it to Buddhist teachings,, here is the answer: The feeling of unworthiness and/or the feeling of lack. Maybe the Great Depression of the 1930’s trauma led to this? PerhapsThe Industrial Revolution pushed people too far away from crafting and thrifting. Whatever combination, it’s left most US Americans in the hell of the hungry ghosts: insatiable. I have seen this darkness in me as well, and although I have worked on it on and off over the past 20 years, I finally admitted to myself this year that I want absolute freedom from this affection, and there is help.
14 There are good workplaces and employers, so keep trying until you find one.
Ok, this one could be misunderstood, so I will give more context: In order to be respected, a person needs to respect themselves so that they can change how they communicate. How do you do this? With proper boundaries. Click here to learn more about boundary setting and some resources I recommend.
13 We can be friends or not, I like myself so you are missing out.
I used to have a kindergarten mentality: A child walks up to another child on the playground “Do you wanna play?” The other child says, “Sure!” They play, and one of them announces, “We are friends now”, joyfully smiling as they reach to hold each other’s hands. Yes, I know, I kept that idealistic, innocent notion of friendship for 31 years. Well, no, we can’t all be friends. We don’t have to be friends all at once, and now I know I don’t want to be friends with everyone. But I will still bless and respect all life.
12 A vow of non-harming means Ahimsa, and that includes yourself.
Often, folks in the medical, wellness, mental health, and fitness fields are caring people. But caring includes one’s self. Take breaks, say no, and celebrate people who actively share about pausing and going on vacation.
11 Stop making martyr out of overachievers.
This goes with 12; the Books The Laziness Lie and The Myth of Normal are great eye-openers to the health and social consequences of working. If you would like a more personal perspective on the consequences of burnout, please read my experiences with it here: link
10. Fashion can be deep or shallow; therefore, judging others based on looks is a false hope.
We all have heard, “Don’t Judge a Book by its cover but research in Psychology shows that a large percentage of people do just that. However, the research on first impressions being the end all be all is mixed,. I used to think OK, well, maybe I can guess how people are based on their clothes, diet, their x,y,z. Each time over the years, I made an ass of myself. Oh gosh, I did it again. If they are vegan, if he is Jewish, if she wears Lolita Fashion, if they have punk colored hair, if, if, if. Well, I was always wrong. What makes someone good has little to nothing to do with their politics, religion, fashion, etc. What makes some a decent human being is how they treat themselves and others, period. Also, folks can change. Nothing is permanent. So, holding on to an idea of someone is living in an illusion.
09 Be brave because the outcome is unknown anyway.
Over the years, I have been told by many , " You're so brave! I can’t believe you traveled there by yourself? You performed what?” I know a thing or two about being brave ,and it always pays off. Fear is often a sign that you're on the right path.
08 We need more multigenerational spaces.
The time I have spent with the Silent Generation has been heartwarming, like thawing my ice heart from not getting time for my grandparent's warming. The views and perspectives of each generation have their pros and cons. We all live on this planet together and should learn from each other. Ageism and Adultism are not just words. Folks between 30-60 are treated the best. 20-30-year-Olds are treated like horses to be worked to death, and folks 70 and older are ignored and forgotten. Folks 12-18 are seen as dangerous. And people under the age of 12 are treated as helpless and stupid in the United States. This is not backed up. These are government policies, pop culture, and media potential. If we want these ableist and ageist standards to change, we must talk to each other. Care about what happens to each other. Empower all those who can work or volunteer. For those whose disabilities do not allow them to work full time, let's support them in whatever they can do to contribute to society. The shame around being unproductive has to dissolve.
07 The USA has the most people in prison in the whole world, WTF. Yeah, just Google it.
06 Wake up every day with gratitude.
Positive Psychology research has backed multicultural practices in gratitude. This year, almost every day, I wake up to an alarm of positive affirmations, pleasant music, or gratitude mantras. The mood changes are noticed in my personal and work life.
05 There is more wealth in your life than you realize.
This goes with gratitude. As you notice the good in your life, all the resources will become apparent. Where there is lack, awareness will show you who to talk to and what to do next.
04 I love cheerleading!
As a coach, I get to cheerlead folks every day, and it is just as pleasant for you as it is for me. Thank you, Law of Contagious Joy.
03 Take an adventure every week.
Thank you, Hiroka, again for this. Her lifestyle reminded me of when I used to just walk hours around new places. After visiting her in Japan, I have readopted this practice of intentionally choosing a new drive, place, whatever. Positive Psychology shows us that new experiences keep life exciting. Practices choosing change also strengthen the brain to become more cognitively flexible.
02 Make copies.
If you did the work, keep a personal copy. Update your portfolio. By the end of the year, it will surprise folks just how much has been achieved.
01- Number one has to be my health.
My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (see an earlier post of when it was at its worst) is in complete remission. My on-and-off clinical depression is also in remission. As of this writing, both duplicating conditions have been in remission since July 2023. I have worked my ass off the past 8 years to heal both of these conditions, both Western and Eastern medicine. All that money, time, struggle, sweat, and tears did work. I can not express in words the level of elation I feel to have that heavy illness burden lifted. Am I in perfect health now? No. I still have some other conditions to deal with, but the major ones are no longer a heavy ball and chain holding me back.
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